For much of my life, I believed that seeing the best in people was my strength. And while this mindset brought light into many situations, it also led me to ignore realities that were right in front of me. I learned this the hard way in a relationship where I kept focusing on the "light" in someone who was treating me badly. I overlooked their harmful behavior, telling myself, "They’re good at heart," until the pain became too much to ignore.
This experience taught me something crucial: to heal and grow, we must learn to see things—and people—as they truly are, not as we wish them to be.
Why Objectivity Matters
When we view others through a lens of what we hope to see, we miss opportunities to understand both them and ourselves. It’s not about judging or labeling someone as "good" or "bad." It’s about observing their actions and how they make us feel—without filtering it through our expectations or desires.
For example:
If someone yells at you, instead of saying, "Oh, they’re just stressed," notice the objective reality: "This person is yelling, and it makes me feel afraid."
If you feel fear or unease around someone, don’t dismiss it. Ask yourself: "Why do I feel this way? Is it rooted in the present moment, or does it stem from something unresolved in my past?"
This process of observation isn’t just about the other person. It’s a mirror reflecting something deeper within you. Every reaction you have is an invitation to heal.
The Inner Child’s Role
Many of these feelings trace back to our inner child. Let’s say someone yells at you, and you feel powerless or scared. This reaction might stem from a time in your childhood when a caregiver’s anger made you feel small, trapped, and unable to escape. Back then, you may have learned to suppress your feelings and stay, because leaving wasn’t an option.
Now, as an adult, that same inner child might:
Feel scared to stand up for themselves.
Believe they must "love unconditionally" to avoid conflict.
Think it’s easier (and safer) to tolerate poor treatment than to leave.
When you recognize this, you can start healing. You can reassure that inner child, "You are safe now. You are strong, and you have the power to choose what’s right for you."
Healing and Making Conscious Choices
Once you’ve acknowledged the objective reality of a situation and explored the feelings it stirs within, you’re in a position to make conscious decisions. For example:
Do you want to distance yourself from someone whose behavior harms you?
Should you have an honest conversation about how you feel?
Or is it time to walk away entirely?
The difference is that now, you’re not reacting from a wounded, unconscious place. You’re acting from a grounded, healed, and empowered self.
Why This Matters
Seeing people as they are—and allowing yourself to feel what’s true—opens the door to profound healing. It’s not about "fixing" the other person or yourself. It’s about embracing what is, uncovering the lessons, and growing from them.
When we stop forcing ourselves to see what we think we should, we free ourselves to experience life authentically. And in that authenticity lies the power to heal, transform, and choose a path that truly aligns with who we are.
Katiana
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